I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
