you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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