You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
someone get that fucking seahorse.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
