I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You were trust falling into bushes
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize