Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
