frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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