I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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