I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
