We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
