get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Houston, we have a squirter
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
