Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
