Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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