My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
