i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
the day after is always just damage control
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize