This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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