it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
