He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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