Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
