He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize