I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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