My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
