everyone is single if you try hard enough
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Randomize
