I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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