Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
