Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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