He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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