Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Randomize
