you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
