So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
