Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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