I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
