it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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