Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
false alarm, still single
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
