I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
