The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
