My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
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