She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize