there's paper in my vomit.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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