i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
