turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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