Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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