Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
