well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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