The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize