And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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