he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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