I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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