I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
