toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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