Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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