At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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