I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
