Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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