I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
