I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I skipped work to stalk him.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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