A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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