"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
