therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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