I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
