Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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