I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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