i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
